I think that in many instances, "charm" is when someone is interested in other human beings and just genuinely likes people. It comes from a place of happiness, confidence and curiosity. That's why people respond to it.
When it is "schmoozing" or sucking up it is transactional.
But the truly charming are happy people and just want to spread that happiness around.
Totally true. charming people can incidentally benefit from their good personalities without having to be inauthentic/schmooze. But perhaps the best schmoozer is the one who can pass as natutally charming
Honestly thank God a Rizzcel can occasionally leave the Brainchads seething by virtue of being nice or fun or just “a character”. The valorization of a relatively innate characteristic like intelligence can be as shallow and tedious as focusing on looks. It’s one of the few things that keeps society from devolving into a complete social Darwinian hell.
oh my goddd twitter has been having this “iq discourse” ranging from “therapy is for low iq people” to “i need 140 iq bf” to “you dont even know what a 140 looks like cuz ur a 105” to race science. tbh we should all be focusing a little more on being a good hang lol
Damn, your teacher anecdote brings back memories! I had a few teachers like this - the very worst one simped for the cool girls, so desperate even at 40 to be chosen by them.
Those kids that were the teacher’s favourites did seem to have that certain something - most adults (and the other kids) found them charming. I have never been able to figure out how to do it haha.
Re risk aversion, I think this is down to personality (higher neuroticism?) as I have seen people who have come from very little be very risk averse once they have gained a little material wealth, terrified that it will be taken from them. I think very charming people are probably quite low on neuroticism measures so appear open and confident to others.
I can totally see that. Neuroticism does wreck or reduce charm, even when it's paired with high openness, some extraversion, and agreeability, which i think are the big markers of charm. And I think the big five extraversion is different from MBTI introvert/extrovert framework bc low extraversion =/= introversion, if that makes sense
I saw that Marlowe already weighed in here but I think one aspect of Happy Hour that you didn't account for is that charm is often developed when credentials aren't available - in the absence of a set path toward the Ivy league/the lead role/the championship, you just learn to be charming as it's the only path available. I can't remember if the girls in the novel have 'access' to credentials, but they certainly don't have traditional financial security
absolutely true--the fact that the gals have no work visas, only connections, drives the sense of precarity and need to be charming and having to grit their teeth while being treated like "the help"
I think that in many instances, "charm" is when someone is interested in other human beings and just genuinely likes people. It comes from a place of happiness, confidence and curiosity. That's why people respond to it.
When it is "schmoozing" or sucking up it is transactional.
But the truly charming are happy people and just want to spread that happiness around.
Totally true. charming people can incidentally benefit from their good personalities without having to be inauthentic/schmooze. But perhaps the best schmoozer is the one who can pass as natutally charming
Honestly thank God a Rizzcel can occasionally leave the Brainchads seething by virtue of being nice or fun or just “a character”. The valorization of a relatively innate characteristic like intelligence can be as shallow and tedious as focusing on looks. It’s one of the few things that keeps society from devolving into a complete social Darwinian hell.
oh my goddd twitter has been having this “iq discourse” ranging from “therapy is for low iq people” to “i need 140 iq bf” to “you dont even know what a 140 looks like cuz ur a 105” to race science. tbh we should all be focusing a little more on being a good hang lol
Definitely felt your essay though, have experienced the pangs of rizzlessness throughout my life 🙏
Damn, your teacher anecdote brings back memories! I had a few teachers like this - the very worst one simped for the cool girls, so desperate even at 40 to be chosen by them.
Those kids that were the teacher’s favourites did seem to have that certain something - most adults (and the other kids) found them charming. I have never been able to figure out how to do it haha.
Re risk aversion, I think this is down to personality (higher neuroticism?) as I have seen people who have come from very little be very risk averse once they have gained a little material wealth, terrified that it will be taken from them. I think very charming people are probably quite low on neuroticism measures so appear open and confident to others.
I can totally see that. Neuroticism does wreck or reduce charm, even when it's paired with high openness, some extraversion, and agreeability, which i think are the big markers of charm. And I think the big five extraversion is different from MBTI introvert/extrovert framework bc low extraversion =/= introversion, if that makes sense
Yes, they are quite different tests and my understanding is that the Big 5 is more accurate. Been meaning to do one for fun.
Start the car baby
vroomvroom 💨💨 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qfAqtFuGjWM
I saw that Marlowe already weighed in here but I think one aspect of Happy Hour that you didn't account for is that charm is often developed when credentials aren't available - in the absence of a set path toward the Ivy league/the lead role/the championship, you just learn to be charming as it's the only path available. I can't remember if the girls in the novel have 'access' to credentials, but they certainly don't have traditional financial security
absolutely true--the fact that the gals have no work visas, only connections, drives the sense of precarity and need to be charming and having to grit their teeth while being treated like "the help"
This is all pretty meaningless to me — stop worrying about other people!
lmao so real i appreciate the essay but cool doesn’t worry about being cool💓
From a man’s perspective, there’s a lot to like about the organised, rule-following girl
What can go missing is the ability to express genuine appreciation. Friendship & even affection can become a task that must be done right.
Being appreciative won’t make you the life of the party, but it will get you genuine friendships